It’s hard dating when you have a child and it is just as challenging when dating someone who also has a child, especially for those who don’t have one. There are so many other factors that are involved besides just dating and getting to know each. A person really has to ask themselves if they are ready to be a potential parent to that child as well. You can’t date a person with a child/children and not factor them in. When you make the decision to date them you have to be prepared to date the child as well. The child is not going anywhere so you may as well settle into the idea of taking on that role. It is your choice to be with someone who has a child. Even if they don’t have custody of the child you should still have it in the back of your mind that it is a possibility that one day they may have custody. People do go to jail, die, or have other unforeseen circumstances come up so don’t be surprised when you find a 16 year standing on your doorstep asking where they should put their bags. When you applied for the position you knew the perks and the drawbacks. It’s your fault if you ignored the drawbacks, if that is what you consider a drawback. Don’t allow yourself to fall into a false sense of reality in thinking that life will remain the same as long as you are together. Hell you might have to let his mother move in next. You better think about it.
Not only are you now dating this person and their child, you are also dealing with the child’s father or mother. You have to get to know that person and hopefully there will be a civilized relationship there for the sake of the child. Everyone is not going to be best friends over night, but there needs to be cordial encounters. As functioning adults this would seem to be obvious, but clearly it is not. Really the only time an issue arises with the child’s other parent is when there is either some type of inappropriate relationship still being continued or there are some unresolved bitter feelings involved. If the situation has to do with your new partner still having sex with the child’s father then you might as well call it quits and dodge that bullet. If the other parent is bitter and still to be with them, then there needs to be an open and honest conversation to resolve the matter between those two. Explain to them that you have moved on and the relationship that you now have is solely for the purpose of raising your child together. Be firm, honest, and stand by what you say. Don’t give the other party any reason to believe there is still a chance for you to be together. Don’t entertain their company. Don’t hang out at their house to spend time with the kids. Don’t be talking on the phone having conversations about anything other than the children. You can’t say your baby momma crazy when you tip toeing in her back door once a month to blow her back out and got her stalking you and your new girl. Ladies I’m going to go out on a limb and say if your man’s ex is acting a stone cold fool every time she drops the kids off it is because your man is doing something inappropriate with her to make her act a fool. Trust and believe me.
However, I believe we all can get along. Just because my child’s father and I didn’t make it in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean we can’t have a friendship. If we have gotten to the point where we have gotten over our hurt feelings and want to see one another truly happy, then we can be in each other’s presences with our new significant others and it not be a problem. More than likely you have established relationships with his family and friends and vice versa over the years so you may end up at the same event or be invited to a family function. It’s a great opportunity for the kids to see their parents together getting along and happy. Nowadays the family dynamic has changed drastically. You have a child and your boyfriend has a child or two and it is now the collective effort of 5 adults to raise 3 kids. At some point we are all going to have to interact with one another and hopefully it will be an interaction where no one gets shot or slapped .Keep in mind it’s never easy to see someone you once loved move on if you still have feelings for them, but the best thing they can do is focus on their happy and move on. Broken hearts heal, but one has to be willing to let it heal. Holding on to the past prevents one from grabbing on to the future. Don’t miss your blessings because you are so busy looking back.
At the end of the day we make our own decisions and we have to live with them. We also have to make a conscious effort to make it work and get along with all parties involved. Having to deal with third parties outside your household can and will be a hassle, but you both have to and must be on the same page. You can’t fight each other and expect to win the battle or the war. Many of us were young when we had our children so we more than likely chose the wrong people to have children with and stuck with those consequences for the rest of our lives. As adults we really should be more selective in who we have children with and who we sleep with because there is always the possibility of having a child with that person. The choices we make today will definitely affect our tomorrow. Prayerfully we can all come together as adults and get along. Sweet baby Jesus be with us.