When you married the man or woman that you fell in love with, you had so many dreams and odds are that not one of them included yourself being single again at any point. However, if you’ve found out that you married a cheater, those dreams can shatter in an instant. One solitary affair is something that a marriage can make it through, if the couple chooses to put forth the effort to make it so, but finding that you have a philandering spouse who has multiple affairs is a different thing entirely. This is a life pattern for this person and it will have debilitating effects on you, if you stay in the marriage and continue to endure this hurt and heartbreak.
Leaving a habitually cheating partner isn’t always as easy as a person might think that it would be, especially if you are a woman. Not only are there emotions involved, but many women depend on a man’s income, his “strength”, and his leadership, even in today’s age of equality. When a philanderer selects a wife, he usually knows exactly the type that he’s looking for and it isn’t going to be someone that is filled with obvious strength. You do have inner strength, though, and now is the time to dig deep and find it. It’s there! You also need to prepare and have a plan for your new life that you are going to have after leaving your cheating spouse.
There are several things that you are going to need to consider and prepare for. You are going to need a home, certainly. You may be able to stay with family or close friends for a time, but at some point, you will need and want to have your own place. Look into apartments and/or houses in the area that you are going to want to live to find out the rental costs.
You are going to need a financial plan to pay for that home and other bills and expenses. Write out a tentative budget with all of the essentials that you will need. The essentials are basically housing, electricity, water, food, and possibly a vehicle with insurance and fuel costs. While you may be able to afford more than those things, such as internet or cable television, these are not necessary in the beginning. If you can’t afford them, you’ll be fine. It may take time to build your own life up to the point where you can comfortably afford some of the “extras” that you want to have.
You should have new dreams and goals with plans for making them reality. Often, life in a marriage is focused around one person and their goals far more than the other person. When you are with someone who is a cheater, they are probably also selfish, so it was likely their goals and dreams that came first and foremost during the marriage. Think back and remember when you had your own, and begin to write them down. You might want to look into a new career, possibly even one that you will need further education for. If so, go to your local community college and check into any grants, scholarships, or loans that you may be able to get.
You are also going to need to be prepared for the emotional aspects of leaving, and have a plan for not going back. There may be times that you find you are very lonely and it’s easy to forget how hurtful the marriage was once you are no longer living in it day after day. Keep a journal, starting from that first day that you decide you aren’t going to live with this person any longer. Write about your feelings, not only to remind yourself of why you left in the beginning, but also as an outlet for the feelings that you are having day to day. You might also want to consider getting some counseling, if you feel that is needed and/or would help you.
It isn’t always to leave a cheating spouse. Regardless of how much hurt they’ve caused you, you have created a history together and there were probably good times, as well as bad. You most likely loved them incredibly at one time and may very well still love them. You must learn to love yourself, though, at least equally, and removing yourself from a marriage to a cheating spouse is one of the things that you must do to save yourself from more emotional damage than you have already endured. There is a life ahead for you, without a cheating spouse, so plan and prepare for it, and reach out to grab hold of it!