Have you ever broken up with someone, then regretted it later? Or been dumped, and want to give it another try? Everyone has felt one of these two ways at some point in their lives.
Breakups suck, no matter which way they go. Everyone pitches their advice; some is taken, some is not. A bit of advice that is commonly given is to start dating right away. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” What if you aren’t ready? What if you haven’t dated anyone but the person you were with for years, and everything in the dating scene has changed since you’ve been there? And what if you aren’t comfortable enough with yourself, alone, yet? A lot of insecurities and inadequacies may come out, but addressing them is most important, especially when getting your life back together after a breakup.
Unfortunately, what tends to happen is people rush into some new relationship, serious or not, without first healing from the one they just got out of. Smart? Not necessarily. It will almost always backfire. In the moment, it might feel nice, having gotten lucky enough to find someone new almost immediately after a breakup. Problems almost always arise.
“I ended up walking away from a relationship, and, two weeks later, I met someone. We had been dating for three months when my ex came back into my life,” mentions Sarah Walker, Graduate Student at a local Charlotte, NC college. “What I didn’t realize until this point, though, was that I wanted to see him; I was interested in spending time with him, but I knew loved my new boyfriend. I couldn’t make sense of it. I started questioning whether I was really over him, and how serious this new relationship was.”
Can you relate to Sarah’s situation? Women get conflicted so many times when it comes to the men in their lives, the new and old. Conflictions come up, but how would you handle one like Sarah’s? She loves her boyfriend, yet still wants to spend time with an ex-lover. Does this make her a bad person? Does this mean she’s not over her ex-boyfriend? When something like this happens, so many questions arise. Allowing an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend into your life can be a good thing, and not always bad, yet that’s what most people assume. There are many couples out there that can actually be civil and good friends with those they once dated. Having control, and the heart to work at it, determines a lot. Sarah’s situation is one of many that occur when moving on fast after a breakup.
In most cases, people never talk to their ex or have anything to do with their ex again. More than likely, things end badly and two people go their separate ways. They never speak again. Why do situations like Sarah happen at all? Fear of moving on? Fear of letting ‘the one’ get away? It is not an overnight decision, nor an easy one to make. It may cause conflict in your current relationship, and stress, but what needs to be figured out is what makes you happy all around, and if one of the two people you are confused about is even right for you in the first place. Decisions, decisions. Choice, choices.
Talking with your current significant other is possible in some relationships. If you have open communication and are truly friends as well as significant others, it might be uncomfortable and awkward at first, but talk about the issues in your current relationship, and what may lead you questioning or doubting a future together. That may be a good start to figure things out for yourself. Always listen to your heart, and weigh things out before jumping into anything. Be cautious.