Wow. Get ready for a long one coz this episode was just effin’ fantabulous. The pace of the entire episode was quick, smart, and actually kept me fully entertained! (Not just the Dair parts I swear!) And how cool was it that I heard Cranberries in the background during Cece’s Irish Wake!?! Hold on to your hats kids, coz it may take you all night to read it but I promise it’s worth it. Feel free to comment me your favorite part(s) of tonight’s excellent episode of Gossip Girl.
Story A: Lola finally did the deed with Nate but manages to creep me out by referencing Vanilla Sky and hating on her newfound family whom she’s never even met. But S convinces Nate to convince Lola to visit with S just to give her a chance. Unfortunately, their intended one-on-one is interrupted by Cece’s Irish wake (which she planned herself before she died. You totally rock Cece!) Before Nate and Lola can get out of there, Carol intercepts Lola for another apology and warning that she can’t believe a word these fancy people say. Lola points out that Carol is the only one that’s ever actually lied to her, before S swoops in to take Lola away. S tries to convince Lola their family isn’t all about money, but sadly walk in on another Lily/Carol argument (this time about the fancy China Cece owned). Naturally, Lola is more than disgusted and tries to leave again. This time Ivy stops her, along with Georgina who advises both girls there must be more to Carol’s madness other than her greed for money. Enter Daddy Van Der Woodsen, someone who probably knows more secrets about the Rhodes sisters than anybody else. Coincidentally, DVDW is also there as Cece’s Estate Executor and informs everyone that Cece’s last will and testament states she’s leaving everything to Ivy! S tries to convince Charlie she needs to stay and help her new family sort this out, but Lola’s smart enough to know that the only person being sh*t on right now is Ivy for actually wanting to care about a family that has sticks so far up their asses, its amazing they’re not all voodoo dolls! But here’s the kicker… Lola’s baby daddy turns out to be DVDW (who had no idea up until Carol threatened him to fix Cece’s will or she’ll have to squeal to Lily they were doing the nasty behind her back.) Apparently, it’s Georgina’s lucky day coz she happens to overhear this Maury-moment!
Story B: Blair informs Dan that Cyrus is working on a loophole in the pre-nup. But S tells Chuck this same news (bc she’s obviously so anti-Dair even though she says she’s ok with it). This prompts Chuck (against Nate’s better judgment) to attempt ruining Dan (again) by sending Gossip Girl an email, asking when she’ll tell everyone who it was that leaked the video confessional from hell that ruined B’s wedding. Too bad, our temp Gossip Girl Georgina has left the postings to be handled by her inept hubby while she accompanies Ivy to the Irish wake. He copies and pastes Chuck’s email without deleting the source. When the truth comes out, Dan is left to apologize and explain to Blair why he leaked the video. [His excuse: he only wanted to stop Blair from doing what she so clearly didn’t want to–marry Louis. Dan never thought it would do as much damage as it did. Nor did he know about the pre-nup/dowry disaster that would follow] Sidenote: I still call BS on this whole idea that Dan would ever send the video– but whatever writers, I’ll take it. Because! Blair pretty much forgives him right away! Fancy that, Basshole! Esty (B’s royal minder) arrives at the wake and tells B she knows all about Cyrus’ plan to get B out of the pre-nup. And guess what? She’s all for it! Coz she just happens to be in love with Louis. All seems well when Esty has worked out a deal with the Royals. Blair can get out of her marriage so long as she keeps her private life private. That way the monarchy can control the press. But Georgie overhears the plan and instantly convinces Chuck to send in a pic of the Dair V-day kiss to Gossip Girl via Dan’s phone. Oh Chuck… G plays you like a virtuoso pianist, it’s sad. The GG blast goes public, the Royals demand their dowry, and it turns out Esty was really just working with Georgina the whole time. Chuck, who just can’t control himself, is eager to throw it in Dan’s face and demands that Dan tell B the truth: that ever since the accident, Dan’s been working like hell to keep her away from Chuck for his own ulterior motives. Dan actually owns up to it and leaves B to decide for herself what she wants to do. With Dan out of the way, Chuck bashes on him some more, but B shuts him up fast. Dan isn’t the reason they’re not together anyway. Quick! Think fast! Chair Breakup scene #987,654,087! “I love you, Chuck. I always will, but that doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. At least not right now, not the way you need me to be, not the way you deserve.”
- Georgina pays B a visit promising her she’ll fix the dowry situation so long as B “owes her one” down the road (now that her temporary Gossip Girl identity will go public, she’ll need all the help she can get since everyone will target her at some point).
- Chuck has a heart-to-heart with Lily regarding Blair. He feels she is changing. [Nice observation Chuckles– and I mean that with all my heart. The sooner you realize this, the better.] Lily in turn reveals it was Uncle Jack’s blood transfusion that saved Chuck’s life, not Blair’s silly prayers.
- Daddy Van Der Woodsen reaches out to Lola AKA his new daughter. She looks forward to getting some answers but we don’t quite know if he’s contacted her out of the goodness of his own heart or because he doesn’t want to activate Carol’s baby daddy confession to Lily.
- Georgina tells her hubby she’s quitting her GG duties for good and seems to send out a laptop full of secrets to god knows where. In the meantime, she’ll be in Monaco–most likely to take some naughty pictures of the royal family and make good on her deal with B.
- Ivy breaks some bad news to Lily and Rufus. It appears the Prada diggs are officially her property now, so they need to GTFO or at least stay somewhere else while they find a way to fix Cece’s will.
- S is moping in her bedroom and tells Dorota she is tired of saying goodbye to everyone– her grandma, her job, the men in her life… LOL!!! Oh S, your incredible need to be all about yourself never ceases to amaze me.
- And lastly, Blair heads to Brooklyn where a very disappointed-in-himself Dan is sulking. But she’s there to tell him that her heart no longer belongs to Chuck. There are pauses… smiles… slow, yearning eye sex… Finally, Blair asks Dan if he’s going to invite her in and he just can’t get enough of hearing her say his name. Heh, methinks she’ll be saying it a lot more tonight!!
And then the room is spinning because all the Dair rainbows in the sky have come down to retrieve my happily dead body… so that I may join all the Dair shippers around the world who have entered Dair heaven. Holy. Crap. That was GOOD. Great. Perfect. Brilliant. Amazing. And it’s time to watch it all over again. (and again and again and again….)