Every single one of my coaching clients hires me because they want something to be different. Whether that’s an improved relationship, a better way to handle stress, greater self-knowledge, enhanced well-being, a new job, a new mindset – it all comes down to making changes. Changes that last.
Real, long-lasting, deep-rooted change comes down to this:
1. There is a ‘need’ to change.
Let’s face it, if there is no real NEED to lose weight, how motivated are you really? If this has ever been bugbear for you, I suspect you have not linked a real NEED to change. Or maybe you think you ‘need’ to grow as a leader; really? If you don’t do anything different, what is this going to cost you? Not much is the usual reply.
So the ‘need’ to change needs to be assessed in the cold light of day: how much of a compulsion is there? Some people wait until a doctor says, “lose weight or you will die.” Or, “Quit smoking or emphasema will make orphans of your children.” Sometimes this hits home. And then again, even the threat of death and abandoned children is not enough to shift people.
Why on earth not? I know! It seems crazy! But everyone has their own thresholds of pain. And truth be told, people would rather put up with known discomfort (or even agony) because it is familar, rather than make the effort to try something new.
So how do you crack this sucker?
Your ‘need’ for change has to sink right down in to the core of your soul and rattle your bones. For me, when I had kissed enough ‘frogs’ that was my threshold point. 32 years of bad relationships – I had had enough. Time for the prince. I took a long hard look at my life and realised that if I kept dating the same Mr Wrong over and over again, I would keep being miserable. And I decided I wanted something more for myself.
A ‘need’ for change emerges when you listen to your Higher Self and you hear and heed the whisper – “You deserve to be happy, to love yourself, and enjoy your life”. That choice – to follow your higher guidance – sets you up for the first part of real change.
2. There is a willingness to change.
You might hear your Higher Self’s voice, but you may not heed it. This is a tug of war between your ego – the part of you that hates change because it’s scary – and the eternal part of you that acknowledges your magical creative abilities and your true essence as a marvelous, living entity – deserving of all things wonderful.
You have to make a choice here. Live in fear (ego world) or live in faith (Higher Self). One keeps you shrinking from delight, the other unleashes it on you.
3. You have support.
To change by yourself is an arduous task, like trying to squeeze toothpaste back into the tube. Messy. Hopeless. Frustrating. Easier to give up or throw it away.
Support keeps you reaching, and keeps your ego voice sucking its thumb in the corner with a blankie while the Higher Self does the heavy lifting of encouragement through the scary bits of unknown.
Support comes in all different shapes and sizes – a magazine, an online discussion group, a buddy going through the same thing, spouse/children/family, a trusted mentor, a coach who can tell it to you straight, and cheer you on, even if you fall over or stumble occasionally.
Who is your support? Do you need to get more of it? Decide right now to augment your support and eek out some momentum.
So – let’s check:
1. Do you have a deep rooted calling for something more delicious? Imagine your life not changing and staying on the same track for the next five years…do you like this picture? If not, what if you made a change now to avoid that alternative dastardly future? If you link enough pain to staying the same and enough pleasure and joy to the alternative, you are getting closer to having a need activated.
2. Are you willing to do it? Are you listening to your Higher Self? Are you heeding your inner voice that says, “you are truly worthy”. Listen in stillness and let this voice reach down and wrap its loving arms around you in a blanket of deserving. Feel it swallow you in love and appreciation. Willingness can be guided from here.
3. Do you have support? Look for ways to increase your support. This alone will give you momentum and courage to handle doubts and hesitation.
Your life is happening now! Keep up with all the good stuff on your doorstep, within reach, if you but choose. I know you can do it!