My boyfriend and I were together for three INTENSE years, a bit like a rollercoaster. We split up but kept seeing each other on and off for another INTENSE three years, unwilling to really let go. Now we’re back together, but taking it day by day. Thing is, now I’m constantly afraid that it only takes one thing to go wrong, and then it’s all lost forever… I need some advice to help me calm down a little?
Sign, In Need of Calm
Dear In Need of Calm,
Just going by the details that you have shared, “three INTENSE years, a bit like a rollercoaster,” doesn’t really give me a lot to go on. Were you both dealing with exterior forces that can place strain on a relationship, such as parents getting severely ill, college or word demands… or was the rollercoaster ride caused by internal forces, bickering, arguments that lead to fights where later you don’t even know what you were fighting about, was their cheating going on. Looking honestly at the past you share with this man will have a strong influence on your ability to settle into the relationship and truly be able to “tak[e] it day by day.”
If the roller coaster ride was due to external forces, you can settle yourself by reminding yourself that the previous stress and strains are no longer present to have an impact on your relationship. If they were due to internal forces, you may never settle. I say may because that will depend on whether the cause of the internal stress was ever sought out and dealt with.
I realize you were probably hoping for some straightforward Step 1, Step 2 advice but often questions aren’t as simple as they may appear to be when they are first asked. I hope that this advice will be of some help and use to you. If nothing else, it gives you a place to begin some relationship and soul searching.
Thank you for your questions,
If you have a question or dilemma that you would like answered in a future article, please e-mailit to me.