When it comes to the stressors manifested by human needs and social relationships I sometimes frown at them. I feel like some of the issues related to these two areas can easily be avoided. Should it be easy to understand the different levels of needs and why they are important to people?
Maybe it is harder to understand what is needed to develop healthy social relationship. The stress in these areas can from the fact some spouses feel that there is no longer a need for outside, appropriate, social relationships. It is in our human nature to be social, that does not end just because you got marriage.
There is a connection with others that help us to recognize qualities that will help one grow as a person. Obviously as long as the time spent is not abused, men enjoy guy things. And we all know that there in a bound among women that most guys will never understand. Women have some sort of an alliance that keeps so close that feel each other’s feelings.
To hinder them from those kinds of social relationships will create more unneeded stress. Everyone has the same basic needs, such as food, shelter and companionship. These needs must be met in order for each person to live a healthy and happy life. Some other needs that instinctually needed are those for survival, safety, belonging and esteem.
Yes we can achieve those through marriage but, may I submit to you that these areas of belonging and esteem are just as important outside the marriage as they are inside the marriage. When our basic biological needs, like food and water, are not met people will tend to set aside their emotional and psychological needs.
An example might be like when you are hungry your drive for food is stronger than your need for companionship. Only after people’s basic biological needs are met are they able to return their attention to meeting social needs. This can be where the conflict/stress can occur.
For some reason some spouses are ok with little to no socializing while their spouses can be social butterflies. I know of a couple of marriages were the husband can be ok with isolating with family at home while the spouse love having gatherings and loves attended them as well.
There are many types of social needs, with spouse and other family it maybe love and affections. For others it also means being part of some sort social group like the women’s forum, a bible study group or simply meeting girlfriends for coffee or shopping.
For men that may mean a fishing trip or most of time meeting for a few beers. I don’t have time to even explain the stress that the bars can bring on. My point is it is in our nature to be social but the event has to be appropriate, you can decide what that is for your marriage. You, most of the time, cannot go wrong with doing couples things.
This is a portion of the Living in Balance curriculum; Psychologist Janet Woititz shares these healthy relationship points. Vulnerability- to what degree am I willing to let down my barriers. Understanding- do I understand my spouse. Empathy- to what degree am I able to allow myself to feel what my spouse feels.
Compassion- do I have genuine concern for the issues that cause my spouse concern. Respect- do I treat my spouse as if he/she is of value. Trust- to what degree and on what level am I willing to be open. Communication- are we able to talk freely about issues that are important in the relationship.
Personal Integrity- to what degree are we able to be honest with each other. And, Consideration- am I mindful of my spouse’s needs as well as my own. Those are good points. I feel that when you are married, no aspect of your spouse should be taken for granted.