So I am suppose to report on romance for the upcoming love month that drives us all crazy, Valentines in Febuary. So here are my personal thoughts, but remember I am only one heart out of a billion. I am a little torn on the subject for so many reasons. Here it goes, this is my best attempt to make sense of my mind and thoughts of a big subject matter. I didn’t come from a home with a loving father who made it his mission in life to protect is daughter’s heart. I didn’t live in one little cozy home where family was everything. My parents faught all the time. It was a disaster, for what time my dad was in the picture, he was very over protective. For me, that meant a very sheltered life as if living in a bubble. I could scarecly make friends and my social skills were nonexsistent. I lived my life in a book and my head in the clouds. That is how I manged life, I was disengaged and lost somewhere between thoughts and confussion. With no outlets and ways of discovering myself. I just drifted through life in oblivion. I kept people at a distance. I mean how could I let someone in to know me, when I didn’t even know who I was myself. Life spun out of control in my teens and by the age 17 I had my first relationship. It was new and exciting, but as good as it was there were dark times that could just rip your heart out that lasted almost 3yrs. You live, you learn, and you move on. It was 3 years before my next relationship. When it came to relationships, I was so lost. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was getting myself into. The same came with my marriage, I was in over my head. It is my most recent heartache and failed attempt of love. When you think of marrige you think all the good things that is suppose to build the strongest relationship you ever have. They should be your best friend, they inspire to bring out the best in you. You just seem to balance each other out. They are someone you can trust and always count on. When the world is unkind its in their arms you find shelter from the storm. Its in there arms that your hearts finds home. Mine was non of this. The only good thing that came from my nightmare was my 2 daughters. They are my true lessons of love in life. They inspire in me so much of a person I never knew I could ever be. The enlighten my life with such inspirations I can barely even begin describing to you. See love comes in so may forms. Real love is beautiful, there is nothing ugly or wrong with its character. It holds promises that are kept, it is kind, caring, understanding, passionate, patient, strong, unwavering, inspiring, enduring, and so much more. You see real love doesn’t have anything to be jealous of, no need to run to other places. Its there no matter what. Love doesn’t hurt, what hurts is the people that abuse what the true definition is of LOVE. Love doesn’t leave brusies, it doesn’t break bones, it doesn’t make doing wrong things in life ok. It doesn’t ask you to turn your back on friends and family. Love builds you up, if it tears you down, then its not love by any means. When you can come to terms that perfect doesn’t exist, and can except flaws in yourself and others and still want to be there with that person no matter what, That is love. It has taken me 27 years to come remotely close to be ok with myself and who I am and being ok with me. It has taken being in the wrong relationships, marrying the wrong person, and having two baby girls to finally realize the quality of myself. Through my girls I learn what it means to truly love someone. I have known pain. I have known dark times. I have known failure in many ways and close to defeated. Though there is a love that has touched my life and strongly grows as the days press on, and That is GODS LOVE. It is through him that I know what love means. How I am to love and how I am to be loved. We are all somebody, we should never settle for less because we fell we aren’t good enough. God made us and customized each and everyone of us: God makes no mistake. If you are a non christan, I can not and will not apologize for my beliefs for its through God I have found my hope. I am but one heart out of a billon. I do however hope that all you people that find yourself alone on Valentines Day; that you do not let that determine you as a person. You are never alone. It doesn’t make you worthless or pathetic for being by yourself on that day, its one day out of 365. I think you will be ok. Even through all my trials, I still believe in the possiblity of finding a good love, where my heart will find its true home and that with hard work will and with time will become an amazing love. You just have to be patient and not jump at every chance to hook up or settle and lower your standards to be loved. Be patient, for the person that is worth having in your life will prove they need you in theirs.
For everyone who is crazy about Valentines Day, I pray you day goes as planned with your loved one. I hope magic fills the air and you get completely swept away in your fantasy idea of romance and that is as special as you have anticipated it to be. Just remember its not about the price tag of the day and all the treasures you obtain. Its about connecting with the one you love and paying a little extra attention to them and reminding them just how much you need them in your life. So be good to one another, cherish each other and never take the one you love for granted. Life is precious and vulnerable. Hold them a little tighter, hug them a little longer, and remind them they are needed. If you forget to tell them sometimes how you truly feel then how are they ever going to know. Silence can hurt a relationship as well as neglect to connect. So find a quiet corner, a warm couch, a special place and just hold them close. Enjoy each other, after all is that what Being in Love is All About!