It’s been a few weeks since the Super Bowl and America is on to its next sport. Hockey? Basketball? Baseball? There is always something going on in the sports world, as it is with good old fashioned relationships. There is always something! Never a dull moment as some would say.
To win the game, you have to show up with your game face on, ready to win! So too, with a marriage, a best friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, to make that relationship work you have to show up ready to work. As usual good communication is a great part of making the relationship work. When on the relationship court, the ball of communication must be flowing back and forth between the teams. Here however, it is not about winning the game as much as it is about keeping the lines of communication open. Communication is not proving your point, being right or even reaching an agreement. It is about allowing each other the opportunity to share oneself and the other the opportunity to relate. Good communication allows opposing teams to relate even when there is no agreement.
Fostering Good Communication
To foster good communciation is rather difficult at first but is far from impossible! Here are a few what NOT to dos:
- Do not lecture. Lecturing means only one person has the ball, it soon seems like an attack and less like a discussion.
- Do not assume or accuse. Assumptions and accusations e.g. you were mad when you said that, suggests the matter is not up for discussion.
- Do not avoid conflicts. Avoidance tends to isolate individuals, and left to ones own devices and thoughts alot can go wrong quickly! Soon your husband not kissing you goodbye as he left for work because he was running late, becomes he is mad at me or worse, is there someone else? You could then just ask him whats up but you choose to stew in your anger and before you know it it way out control. Donot start a fight but donot avoid potential conflicts either.
I have been guilty of this but I find that applying the above tips serve as a great aid to winning in the game of relationship communication.