To be in a relationship with someone can be the best of times, but that relationship may also the worst of times. Relationships are never easy, they take work, constant work. When two people are together, hopefully have the same desires to grow within that relationship. But what if that is not the case? What if the relationship doesn’t seem to be working out? Do you know when it is time to give up on that relationship and move on?
I have said this before and I will say it again, Oahu is a small island. A very small island with a lot of people. When you are in a relationship with someone, after it ends it may be difficult to avoid that person. More than likely you will run into that person again, and possibly more after that. If you two were in same social circles, unless they move to another island or another state, you will have to come face to face with your past. Should this keep you from ending a relationship? Absolutely not. If the feeling is no longer there, you should be able to freely move on without worry about what will happen next. A relationship with another person should add to your life, not increase the chance of misery.
Sometimes we may be uncertain about when it is time to move on from a relationship. We may question if this is the right choice, question if we can find better, we may even question if we are worthy of better. How do you know when it is time to say goodbye to the past, and move on with your future? Here are some signs that may help:
Communication has come to a halt: Communication is the key to holding a relationship together. Once communication has stopped the relationship has essentially stopped developing. One should not have to tread lightly when communicating with a partner. If you feel trapped by a lack of communication, or feel that you cannot respectfully speak your mind, it may be time to move on.
You are starting to question your own identity in the relationship: If you wake up one morning, look in the mirror and ask yourself “Who am I”, it is time for much needed self reflection. It is not uncommon for people to lose a part of themselves in a relationship, however when you lose too much of yourself that becomes an issue. If your friends, family, or co workers, have noticed major changes in you for the worse since you have started your relationship, you may need to question the purpose of this relationship in your life. Walking away will be your best chance to getting back to you.
The relationship is abusive: Any kind of abuse in a relationship is unacceptable. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse should never be tolerated in any relationship. Verbal abuse is usually more accepted than physical abuse, because the damage is not immediately visible; however verbal abuse is just as detrimental. If you are in an abusive relationship help can be sought by contacting National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Trust has been lost: Just like communication, relationships lacking trust are non existent relationships. If you do not trust your partner, ask yourself “why am I really with this person?” Relationships can recover from infidelity; however trust does need to be rebuilt. If you cannot trust or forgive your partner then the relationship cannot be restored. Say to yourself, “To love you, I must trust you”. If not you will drive yourself away from your partner, causing anger and jealousy to be the end of your relationship.
The two of you are moving in different directions: It is not uncommon for people in relationships to grow over the years, and then suddenly realize that they are growing away from each other. You should be allowed to be your own person even if you are with someone else. Over time you may have realized that I am completely different from my partner and our lives are moving in two different directions. If the directions are causing constant strain in your relationship, have a conversation about the directions, and if that does not work then it may be time to respectfully say goodbye.
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