You’ve seen Apple’s “Rock God” commercial. If not, let me spoil your perception of Apple in one click.
As an owner of an iPod, iPod Shuffle, iPhone 3G, and iPhone 4, I’ve considered smashing these all to pieces to completely disassociate myself with this brand. How have I arrived at this conclusion? Let’s do a scene by scene analysis of this commercial.
(Due to modenook.com limitations, I’m unable to embed photos within the article, so try to follow along with the slideshow on the left)
Scene 1: “I got to get a guitar.”
Before the main character even speaks, I already hate him. Is it the three layer combo of t-shirt, hoodie, and denim jacket, when its not even raining or snowing? Is it the hipster “I haven’t cut my hair in months and I’ve spent hours styling it to make it look like I just got out of bed” look? Not sure.
Ok, maybe I’m being too judgemental on his looks. But the scene shows him just leaving a concert, with a goofy smile on his face, and telling Siri, “I gotta get a guitar”. Did he go to the concert alone? Does he not have any friends to talk to, to express his desire to get a guitar? Is Siri his only friend? All signs point to yes, yes, and yes.
Scene 2: “How do I play ‘London Calling’? ‘A Whole Lotta Love’? A B Minor Ninth?”
Hey lazy ass, there’s a new invention called Google. Use it. I’m guessing he’s the type of guy who will ask a coworker how to do a simple task, instead of trying to figure it out himself. Or the type of person that posts a facebook status update to ask a technical question, instead of looking it up himself.
Also, does he really intend to read guitar tabs on his iPhone? Either he has magnifying glasses for eyes or he doesn’t mind turning pages every 2 seconds for the next set of tabs.
Scene 3: “Add ‘Migraine Headache’ to my list of band names.”
Wow, this guy oozes of creativity. Is he aware that millions of people suffer from migraine headaches worldwide? Is he aware that a migraine is a serious medical symptom that is a possible indication of a more serious disorder?
Percy Harvin of the Minnesota Vikings had to miss a few weeks of games and practices because he’s been suffering from migraines. In the NFL. Where players are ok to play with broken bones, muscle tears, and even concussions where the quarterback does not even remember playing.
What else is on his list of band names? Parkinsons Shake? Alzheimer’s Mind Loss? Brain Tumors?
Scene 4: “Tell Julie and Kate our band is playing at the garage tonight.”
I’m sure any of us have been approached by a friend/coworker/acquaintance who has asked us to check out their band at some bar/club/some other small venue. While I understand that some undiscovered bands are actually really good, the reality of the fact is that most of them aren’t (yet?). This is no knock to underground/small time bands, as a good amount of small bands have the potential to become great, they just need to work out the kinks and develop their sound. Or others just plain suck and have absolutely no chance of making it big.
Now that my disclaimer is out of the way (for any of my friends who have their own bands, your band is the exception, really), it’s always awkward when you’re asked to check out someone’s band. Even if you think they suck, you’re still required to say after they perform, “Dude you guys are awesome!”
As for the garage thing, I hope they cleared it with their neighbors, because I’m one of those asshole neighbors that will call the cops if someone’s garage band disturbs my sleep, no matter how good they are.
Scene 5: (The scene in which the band is playing in the garage)
I didn’t have much to say about this scene until I did a screenshot of the video.
I count 5 people in attendance. 2 girls in the back (presumably Julie and Kate), two guys on the right side, and one guy whose legs are only showing on the left. It’s a fairly good turnout for a garage gig. But why are the amps faced away from the crowd? Are they too loud? Is the sound quality/distortion too bad that they need to face away from their ears?
And why does the male drummer have dyed pink hair? I think I’m starting to hate their entire band.
Final Scene: “Call me Rock God.”
I bet $100 that this guy is one of those people that make up their own nicknames. Or laughs at his own jokes. Or “likes” his own facebook status updates. But most likely, he has no real friends or friends that refuse to give him props, so he needs that sort of reassurance from an inanimate object to make him feel better about himself.
You’re probably wondering, even though this commercial is bad, why am I inclined to switch away from Apple? Because this commercial caters to those emo hipster doofuses, jobless high school kids who have no business owning an $200 iPhone + monthly fees, or teenagers who spend their free time playing in a band instead of studying. So if Apple acknowledges that this is their main customer base and caters their ads to recruit more of these types of people, then I really want nothing to do with this brand.
But I’ll probably end up staying up all night to preorder the iPhone 5 online (no, I’m not going to wait in line at the Apple Store), because iPhones are pretty damn awesome.
PostScript: Before you all comment, yes, I have seen the parody of this commercial, and yes, it is great. Here it is, if you haven’t seen it.